Heath
by Batya000
Summary: Death will paint everything a different shade of remorse.


**AN/** No-beta, YAOI, Strong content, M rate. TRIGGER ALERT. **Be aware of the dates and hour's tandem, it's part of the character's development and story evolvement** , you will understand better and it will give you perspective onto the character's environment.

So you HAVE to READ DATES AND TIME

THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH INUYASHA, personal fic.

PS: I AM VERY MUCH **aware** of the grammar text shortens such as "idk" happens that people are not formal when it comes to text messages.

I am genuinely sorry fanfiction does NOT allow my fic in the format it was, the "Read" was on the other side, completly on the opposite and the second's messages were on the opposite side of Youki's messages as well, only Youki's messages remained on the right side UGH only I hope you still enjoy this UGH fucking fanfiction!

 **AGAIN** Every single time (date  & TIME) I set for this fic was **NOT** done randomly, I thought twice before writing those dates and hours, I hope you keep them in tandem and think before and after reading every single text message. If you just read the messages and scroll past the hours and dates, u will finish it in five minutes and u won't get the vibes.

 **Summary:** Death will paint everything a different shade of remorse.

OOOOO

 **.**

 **Dwell**

 **Youki Onoko:**

[i dont know what to say tbh i just dont wanna feel like this if u are angry at me, i know u said we are not good for each other but i cant go on without you, think about it ranma think better than leaving me i beg u]

Apr 14 11:07 pm Sent from Messenger

 _Read Apr 14 11:15 pm_

 _._

 **Youki Onoko:**

[idk i dont wanna be like this anymore i want your arms around me]

Apr 14 11:09 pm Sent from Messenger

 _Read Apr 14 11:15 pm_

 _._

 **Youki Onoko:**

[ranma pls]

Apr 14 11:14 pm Sent from Messenger

 _Read Apr 14 11:32 pm_

 _._

 **Youki Onoko:**

[i… feel lonely wihtou u…]

Apr 14 00:04 am Sent from Messenger

 _Read Apr 14 01:13 am_

 _._

 **Youki Onoko:**

[i cant sleep like this ranma]

Apr 14 00:31 am Sent from Messenger

 _Read Apr 15 01:13 am_

 _._

 **Youki Onoko:**

[i am sorry for everything that i did forgive me and i understand if i've lost the love of my life i hate this i have to look at myself in the mirror and deal with all this pls im sorry]

Apr 15 01:15 am Sent from Messenger

 _Read Apr 15 02:37 am_

 _._

 **Youki Onoko:**

[if im dead to you please let me know so i can try and not just dwell on it. Not knowing is awful. i miss you and im sorry again, im more sorry than words will ever do justice]

Apr 15 01:18 am Sent from Messenger

 _Read Apr 15 02:37 am_

 _._

 **Youki Onoko:**

[i just don't know how to feel about this right now]

Apr 15 02:01 am Sent from Messenger

 _Read Apr 15 02:37 am_

 _._

 **Youki Onoko:**

[i love u so much pls don't leave me]

Apr 15 02:24 am Sent from Messenger

 _Read Apr 15 02:37 am_

 _._

 **Youki Onoko:**

[i would do anthing for you dont leave me ily]

Apr 15 02:38 am Sent from Messenger

 _Read Apr 15 08:54 am_

 _._

 **Youki Onoko**

[i beg u ranma]

Apr 15 02:42 am Sent from Messenger

 _Read Apr 15 08:54 am_

 _._

 **Youki Onoko**

[i just want another chance pls, ignore what I said when we were arguing, i get so angry at u sometimes but I love u deeply, I didnt mean to hurt u..pls don't leave me Idk what to do anymore]

Apr 15 02:54 am Sent from Messenger

 _Read Apr 15 08:54 am_

 _._

.

.

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[u just not made me bury u… u just did not make me dress in black… why did u do this to me, why, why im fucking sorry I never answered, please I just want this to be a fucking nightmare, ur messages youki, I read the last one after shippo told me u were dead… but this isn't real, I just did not placed a rose on ur casket u fucking idiot, u did not kill urself, please come back I love you so much, I wish I wasn't as angry back then and "if im dead to you" is just too real for me right now, I love you and I miss you so much, I just wanna imagine you are at the other side smiling youki please come back to me, I hate this why did you do this to me, why, I love you]

Apr 17 07:16 pm Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[why youki]

Apr 20 01:18 am Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[peopl come to me saying they sorry, they are not sorry like me… I want you in my arms, why did you do this to me,]

Apr 21 02:36 am Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[i hate you so much, u think i miss u? i hate you so much]

Apr 24 04:01 am Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[youki I miss saying your name without crying I miss your scent i love you so damn much why did u leave me here alone, why baby tell me this is all the most horrendous nightmare i wanna wake up so bad, tell me you are still by my side]

Apr 25 00:17 am Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[take me with you]

Apr 25 00:46 am Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[i cant stop reading your last messages, you are killing me, take me with you once and for all]

Apr 25 01:05 am Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[I had a good day kinda, u know ain't much of retailing but didn't feel as shitty, but then I remember I am not going to lay down with you and everything gets shitty again, I miss you ]

Apr 29 09:54 pm Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[youki i never told you but I love your bedroom, smells like you, still does]

May 11 02:33 am Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[don't worry I kept the photos, im not gonna change anything just like to be here…. Makes me feel u are somewhere and im just waiting for you to come, shippo says he needs to take your things out, it is affecting hatsune and him as well, I will pay him everything he wants if he lets me keep your bedroom intact]

May 11 02:57 am Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[we discussed, its not about the money apparently, I want to keep it]

May 12 09:24 am Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[I was looking up stuff, I never realized the photos about us in your bedhead are really nice, I will keep em all… akane wants me to get out of here, I don't wanna, I got things that smell like you]

May 12 06:02 pm Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[lol I found some songs you wrote for me, these are nice, also i will stay here all day I guess, its night so]

May 12 09:24 pm Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[akane made me go for some training these past days, can't feel better without you. Everything feels so shitty]

May 25 10:56 am Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[I miss you, looking what I can find in my phone from you]

June 14 11:04 pm Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[youki you were so pretty]

June 14 11:18 pm Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[this is so fucked up I want to fuck you so bad]

June 14 11:31 pm Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[i need your body it was so soft]

June 14 11:54 pm Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[it was so warm and tight]

June 14 11:56 pm Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[you were perfect]

June 15 00:02 am Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[why youki]

June 15 00:41 am Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[this is so fucked up]

June 15 01:09 am Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[let me go for fucks sake I cant live like this]

June 17 03:27 am Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[I was remembering the countless times I got sick, u were like my nurse lol why were you so attentive like i cant feel anything is enough without you now.. I remember ur hands were always so soft to me, how u kissed me, how u made love to me and I can't do this without you, I miss everything about you, im convinced this is a nightmare and im sick so im hallucinating and u'll say I was sweating in my sleep but will wake me and laugh, cuz you are annoying and will kiss those red lips and I will finally be able to breathe again]

June 24 07:51 pm Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[delete all that crap, I wouldn't say that, im not being me and its your fault]

July 3 02:21 am Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[i cant do this anymore]

July 5 10:51 pm Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[what did you want? With all this crap? What did you want?]

July 6 03:16 am Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[you wanted to kill me didnt you]

July 6 03:21 am Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[youki, im helpless without you]

July 13 01:23 am Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[I hate you]

July 22 04:03 am Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[I love you so much]

July 23 05:05 am Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[I have been thinking in you the whole day, I can't help it]

Aug 11 09:54 pm Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[I really liked that ridiculous beauty spot under your left eye, I liked ur tattoos, u were sexy af, looked so bad, u were so sweet]

Aug 20 11:13 pm Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[Shippo helped me to take your things off the bedroom, it has been so hard for me I never imagined this to be so hard, he says its for the better, this is so difficult youki Im still hopeful this is only a nightmare]

Sept 11 05:09 pm Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[this is so real right now, I wanna go with you]

Sept 11 10:23 pm Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[obviously I didn't throw away anything, much less the pics, I got them with me, I don't know what to do with your clothes, I don't want to throw them away, why cant u just come and wear em]

Sept 21 04:14 pm Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[this is so difficult right now, finally we are done with all the bags and stuff, will never ever donate again, will remind me of this, but fret not, I kept a couple of your clothes, I kept the most significant of them lol]

Oct 1 01:56 am Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[come back please]

Oct 1 02:30 am Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[It's your birthday and you are not here…. Its difficult to see Ranko celebrating Nenju, you would be 17 and im done with this, I gotta go home…]

Oct 31 08:38 pm Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[shippo want me to go to some sort of therapies, strange people come to try make me speak, aint speaking with old asses, I don't need any of those shits, I need you]

Nov 8 09:56 am Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[will feel better if I don't text you my ass, I know u are dead but even after dead, u still my confident]

Dec 15 02:30 am Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[I remember Christmas with you felt like Christmas, today feels just as shitty as the day you left me]

Dec 24 00:58 am Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[that Christmas party at nobu's house, was remembering how we fucked behind curtains, people singing Christmas and I was hearing you moan, nice, wont ever hear u again will i?]

Dec 25 01:08 am Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[fuck new year]

Dec 31 23:56 am Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[I feel better just watching the photos I had to unpeel from your former bedroom, im certainly thankful you had so many photos, with every photo I feel as if you are making me remember things I forgot, god cant believe u photographed me so many times without me noticing

I was so happy back then

cant believe its gone]

Jan 11 05:04 am Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[shippo got a new girlfriend lol u would like her, she is not like kira]

Jan 29 03:58 pm Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[why am I still messaging this fucking thing, youki is dead im fucking nuts]

Feb 11 10:47 pm Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[I regret the last thing I ever said to you wasn't 'I love you, it'll be okay' if only I wasn't angry… 'if im dead to you' is too fucking literal to me]

Feb 24 00:54 pm Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[its shippo's birthday and he didnt want much people around, just a couple of friends, I was there but he had to do that fucking thanking speech because it was a surprise party from her gf, he couldn't even finish, it was about how difficult had been last year for him, he had to mention you, he misses you, he was so moved, his voice was cracking, I had to go, sorry I cant hear about u anymore]

Mar 15 06:05 pm Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[I called him, he says its chill, he understands me]

Mar 15 08:58 pm Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[I youki the scent in the clothes I kept from you is gone, what do i do?]

Mar 20 10:25 pm Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[I love you so much]

Mar 27 11:06 pm Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[I miss the little things from you, I miss your laugh, your pouts, I miss our conversations, I miss to annoy the hell out of u, I miss your hands, I miss touching ur legs, I miss your hands all over my body, I wish I never retracted from one of ur hugs, I want one. Just one… just one… I want your arms squeezing me and I wish you could be here to laugh at my anger, please I don't know how will I survive through this

youki we would be together I promise we would be, today I feel hopeless and I cant do this, i dont want to feel like this without you, I want you in my life, I cant go on and its so frustrating its so fucking horrendous to know u wont be back to me I miss you so damn much]

Apr 01 09:51 pm Sent from Messenger

.

 **Ranma Saotome:**

[ A year since you left and it feels as if I'm falling for this achiness all over again. Still, it's been a while since I last send messages like these and I know I'm speaking to myself, and I know you are dead, I know you won't ever answer and I know you will never get to see this. I know you left this earth thinking I didn't love you, I know that and it hurts because Youki, I would have died for you. I am dead. Akane and Shippo have been supportive and I know Shippo is also trying for me, I know you took part of his heart as well. I shouldn't do this anymore; I know I don't have to do this. But I wanted my craziness to have a formal end. I just send a formal request to close your account because well, you are dead. You know how hard was it to scan your decease certificate? I couldn't do it, Akane did it for me and I know those messages and funny texts we shared over the past two years will be long gone to be only in my memory.

I dwelled for you the past year and even I know I won't ever get to be over you, I will leave this habit of texting this account whenever I am helpless, longing, upset, or lustful, just as I did to you personally when you were alive. You deserved the world and I just wish I could go back in time and stop you from taking our lives with you. Because when you took your life, you decided to kill me as well. I'm not upset anymore, I try to feel less guilty and fortunately I am overwhelmed by all the beautiful memories I had with you. Certainly, you were the prettiest, sexiest, kindest, lover I could have ever imagined to have.

I felt it was kind of twisted to lust over your memory, especially if I wanted to hear your voice, I had no option but to open those videos we did when you were full of life, but you know those were strictly porn, even after your death, you are still echoing through my entire body. I would always end up carnally wanting you and I knew I wouldn't have you anymore, not a single second and everything felt so fucked up. I admit I wouldn't stop myself from masturbating, its fucked up I know, but I'm still a human being and well, you were sexy as fuck.

I learned to search stuff on the internet and at least what I told you about the videos is normal. I am not the only one lusting over a dead lover, lmao how fucked up do I even sound?

Anyways, I lurked over our previous conversations, when you were alive and when we had those good days, after I did that I ended up being a fucked up mess, sad, angry, missing you and fucking crying, but I found what I was searching. I got at least ten voicemails from you, yes, I asked Akane how to download them, those voicemails were answering random stuff and I'm thankful one of them is a fresh laugh from you. I missed that. I am killing myself I know that Youki, you think the world didn't stop for me when I played the voicemail containing the laugh? You think?

Fuck, I miss you.

But I am over the fact you won't come back. I am certainly doing better than a couple of weeks ago. Why? Not because I don't miss you anymore, it's because I always told you I would die at the age of 33, I'm 19 right? It's not that much, I won't wait that long to see you again.

But promise you will be there for me. Promise your face will be the first thing I will see when I die. I know you can promise that without responding. Longing to that idea, I'm getting better. I can attach myself to that hope. One day, when I get to see you again, I promise kid, I will make you regret leaving me like this. Until then, Youki… I will focus on my martial arts school and will do stuff so next time I see you and you ask what did I do, I will have shit to speak about. Sorry for being so quiet these past years lol I know you loved me like that. And hey, I miss your annoying constant speaking. I never knew I could miss so much your voice. It was annoying yes, But I fucking ache to hear it.

Well then I think this is the way for me to get up, I need to get up love. It's time for me to try and again, don't worry Youki, I won't ever forget about you. I will always remember your voice, your wild hair, the smell of it, your welcoming hugs; I don't know how did your skinny body make me feel so protected and loved. I won't forget the taste of your lips; I won't forget how perfect we matched in bed, your voice, your scent, your good and bad days, your rampages and that passionate glint of playful fire in your eyes. I will remember them and these memories will be my strength. I still love you and this man is not meant to love anyone else but you. I never said these things before, I am not this cheesy and maybe you thought I was stronger, but I needed to say all these stuff, I needed to take this off my chest, before I die without taking them out.

You are still mine and I am still yours.

Until then, take care of me, visit me in my dreams, wherever you are, I hope you are in peace and I hope you are free of those demons that made you take that decision, those who tortured you for so long are finally gone. I hope you feel better, I hope your spirit is at liberty now and I hope you feel joyful, I hope everything for you gets to be hopeful and happy. I hope you still love me, because I will always do.

Goodbye, no, Farewell Yu-ki~]

April 15 03:07 am Sent from Messenger

" _The love of a half dead heart will keep you half alive_

 _Until you reunite your beloved again, in the afterlife, that's when you will live again, as a whole."_

― Munia Khan

 _._

 _._

 _._

OOOOO

 **AN/** Death is my favorite topic, if you didn't get it, Youki died after he texted Ranma, every single of Ranma's text messages are afterwards his death. Every single time (date & TIME) I set for this fic was **NOT** done randomly, I thought twice before writing those dates and hours, I hope you keep them in tandem and think before and after reading every single text message.

.

sorry fanfic didn't have opposite-text OPTION, but anyways I hope it was understandable.

I had another writer's block and the idea wasn't originally only text messages, but then I liked the idea, plus its different from everything I have done in the past. Into another side, I was stuck and had to delete everything I had in progress, originally this was not only text messages but situations and it was more detailed. Still, I hope the grieving was well communicated.

I hope Ranma's messages were enough to understand his character or at least understand for what was he going through. I think I am happy with the idea because I didn't want to write monologues, you got better perception here plus a monologue would be way longer and I wanted to post something today, so I hope u liked it. Also this is a brand new idea lol don't get me wrong I love monologues.

I wrote several stories involving Youki's suicide; still I got a reviewer asking me for Ranma's afterwards into an established relationship with Youki. So here it is. In the past my stories I only involved Youki and Shippo and very flimsy Ranma, but Ranma's side can be as devastating as Youki's. Anyways I hope this very short story was enjoyable in the least. I hope you kept the date's tandem, you can see Ranma's behavior through the dates and hours, that's a pro you can find in this one. Imagine the situation as to why or how is he writing at such time and the dates differences also say much. So if you didn't read dates and time, you NEED to re-read it. Dates and time are important as hell.

Will try to write something more. Well my past fic involved a happy ending and I wanted to try a sad one this time.

 **PS:** I was absolutely inspired by a social media blog that plays tribute to the last message of your beloved ones, many people posts the screenshot of the last message sent by someone who died, in the description they tell you what happened, and there was one couple in particular that inspired the idea, he died of an overdose and the last message he left was one of sheer sorrow. She responds in the blog, wishing she wasn't as angrier at him the day he died, she never responded him while he was alive. Another experience of a couple of best friends, one died (suicide) and the other one was left to send messages to him even after dead. Heartbreaking. Post break-up posts are also available there! If you want to know about this site, I will leave the link:

You don't need to be a member to watch out this blog.

Till next time~

 **Batya**


End file.
